We have been in Colorado Springs for a month and I have had lots of questions rolling around in my mind and heart during this time – most of them end up being directed towards God. Of course, He is the best One to ask and the only One who is big enough to help carry my burdens and emotions.
Why won’t someone hire me?
When will I make friends?
Which church should we choose?
When will it get nice enough on a weekend to be outside?
Am I having days of purpose right now? Is this just wasted time?
What are the real desires and passions of my heart?
How can I be a better wife today?
Where does my encouragement come from?
When will I feel comfortable here? When will I feel like myself again?
This move has presented challenges that neither of us expected. But, we can already see how God is using these challenges to grow our marriage and I can see it forcing both of us to seek God. Life had gotten pretty comfortable in Manhattan … not that there wasn’t growth there, because there was. Moving here has sped up growth and has forced me to examine my heart daily. This has brought lots of confession and humility. Questions like the ones above feel good to ask, but it’s hard not always getting an answer.
Last week I attended a women’s night at one of the churches we’ve attended. The speaker talked about how every day is like a blank canvas – no matter how messy our canvas got yesterday, each day God offers a new fresh start. The last point she ended on was this:
“Let go of control and trust Him for the outcome. We are not to worry about, to try to anticipate, to use energy to figure out how God will work. It is for us to trust that He will work.”
Oh God, help me learn to trust.
4 comments
Comments feed for this article
May 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Gail
Oh, Carolyn–what a beautiful post. I miss you and your honest, tender heart. Praying that at least some of your questions will be answered and that you’ll be surprised by joy and community! Love you dearly! Gail
May 18, 2011 at 8:46 pm
carmen classen
This is beautiful! Thanks for the honest glimpse into your heart. I know from many friends’ experiences that moving from a place where you feel really connected is HARD! Praying for you!
May 26, 2011 at 9:43 pm
Erika
I loved reading this Carolyn! I’m so glad you’re asking these questions and I love that God is pressing on you to trust Him. What a life-long message. Manhattan misses you too. :(
July 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
Alex Wilks
(just came across your blog!)
i just read a friend’s blog and she said this:
what grows on the mountain top? (nothing, really.)
what grows in the valley? (well…everything…)
although being in the valley is no where near as fun as being on the mountain top, the valley brings so much growth and beauty in our lives.
praying you’ll find yourself on the mountain top sooner than you think!